So Christian is off in his office or whatever, because there was a fire in the Grey House (still not sure what house we’re talking about here) and apparently that requires him to be on the phone for hours. Because when Christian Grey is on the phone for hours, fires go out.
CHRISTIAN GREY: DEFYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND REAL LIFE SINCE ALWAYS.
So Ana is bored, because she literally cannot go more than 2 hours without having his dick in her vag. She’s just flopping around the boat trying to read and watch tv. It’s like a bad episode of Laguna Beach (with less parties and even less of an excuse to be a whiney brat because SHE’S FUCKING 24 YEARS OLD AND SHOULD BE ABLE TO ENTERTAIN HERSELF).
So she decides she wants to go shopping.
How does she want to get to the shopping place?
On a jet ski.
OH AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE SHE’S HAVING A HARD TIME ADJUSTING TO BEING HORRIFYINGLY RICH. OKAY.
“Omg all of this costs so much money…SO CAN I GO TAKE THE JETSKI OUT TO GO SHOPPING WHERE I’LL SPEND ALL OF CHRISTIAN’S MONEY ON SHIT I DON’T NEED!?”
Apparently this jetski plan is a bad idea because Christian is vehemently against it because he’s apparently her fucking mother and won’t let her touch anything dangerous (AGAIN. SHE’S TWENTY. FUCKING. FOUR.)
AND THEN SHE PRETENDS TO GO ASK CHRISTIAN BUT REALLY SHE DOESN’T ASK HIM AT ALL BUT SHE SAYS THAT SHE DID JUST SO TAYLOR (the dude who’s head of security) WILL LET HER TAKE THE GODDAMNED JETSKI.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
I take it back. She’s not 24. She’s too stupid and annoying to be even in her 20’s. That is something a 5 year old would pull.
“Daddy, can I get ice cream? I already asked Mommy, she said it was okay.”
And she doesn’t think she’s going to get caught! She literally cannot process the idea of consequences, which is REALLY, REALLY BAD when you’re husband ENJOYS PUNISHING YOU WHEN YOU “MISBEHAVE.” It’s even WORSE when you completely lack the ability to SAY NO.
I really hope this is the chapter where Christian reveals himself to be a serial killer and murders Ana out of rage because she went out on a jetski without his permission. That is the only thing that would redeem these books.