OH GOD ANAL.
“I told you, one step at a time with this, baby.” I hear the quiet spurt of some liquid, presumably from a tube, then his fingers are massaging me thereagain. Lubricating me…there! I squirm as my fear collides with my excitement of the unknown.
brb, I’m going to go throw bleach in my eyes.
Why am I reading this. Who allowed this to be put into a book.
I don’t have a problem with the fact that it’s anal, I have a problem with the fact that it’s Christian and Ana and the fact that it is written to be as creepy and disgusting as possible.
Also for the love of god and all that is holy STOP REFERRING TO YOUR JUNK AS “THERE”. THERE ARE SEVERAL “THERES” DOWN THERE.
DON’T MAKE ME GET A GODDAMNED DIAGRAM, ANA. BECAUSE I WILL DO IT.
Is he massaging your anus (ugh that word is grossing me out) or your vagina? Or your clit? I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO ASK THIS. I SHOULD JUST KNOW BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME INSTEAD OF MAKING ME GUESS.
Ugh and now his thumb is in her ass. OOP and he replaced it with a butt plug.
There are other things going on but you’re better off not seeing the mental images that I am seeing.
And then he fucks her while the butt plug is in and, once again, it is THE BEST SEX EVER OMGOMGOMG and they orgasm at the same time and whoop-de-doo.
And then she like passes out because it was SO GOOD OMGOMG.
He gently takes hold of my braid, lifts it to his lips, and kisses the end with reverence, his eyes glowing with love. Oh my…did I ever have a chance of resisting this man?
How is it not weirding you out that he’s currently macking on your hair? That’s weird. If Ben did that I would be all “lol you’re a weirdo what are you doing.” But apparently Ana thinks its super attractive and wonderful.
And I also hate how Ana is implying that she’s not with Christian because it’s what she wants, it’s just because she had no choice in the matter. “Welp, there’s no resisting him! Guess I better marry him!”
So then Ana goes upstairs and goes to upload pictures from their honeymoon onto her laptop and there are like hundreds (maybe not hundreds. but a lot) of pictures of her sleeping.
Picture after picture of me. Asleep, so many of me asleep, my hair over my face or fanned out across the pillow, lips parted…shit—sucking my thumb. I haven’t sucked my thumb for years! So many photos. I had no idea he’d taken these.
BECAUSE THAT ISN’T FUCKING CREEPY.
HERE ANA, LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP AND THEN NOT TELL YOU ABOUT THEM. I’LL KEEP THEM AS MEMENTOS AFTER I MURDER YOU AND DUMP YOUR BODY IN THE OCEAN.
So Ana isn’t weirded out at all by the pictures and then goes to talk to Christian who is in his office having one of his security people try and sharpen an image of the dude who set the Grey House on fire and the image comes into focus and it shows….
*THUNDER AND LIGHTENING*
*HORSES NEIGHING IN FEAR*
For those of you who don’t remember, Jack Hyde is Ana’s former boss, the one who tried to rape Ana, the one who Ana kicked in the balls (because she’s clearly a ninja), and the one who then got his ass kicked by Christian.
So Jack Hyde has it out for Christian.
Hurray! We have an actual bad guy! This is so exciting!
Just kidding. I’m sure E.L. James will find a way to ruin it.