Let’s recap what happened at the end of the last chapter, and also at the end of my last liveblog:
Ugh but then they decide to discuss it when Ana gets home and Christian apparently intends to seduce Ana to death by wearing the jeans that he always wears when they have sex in the
creepy-murder room“play room”, and the top button of the jeans is undone.
And that’s the end of the chapter.
If they have sex instead of actually talking about their issues I am going to shit 10,000 bricks and throw them all through E.L. James’s window.
Time to see how many bricks I need to shit!
Oh, just to remind you what Ana and Christian are fighting about (not that it matters because they are fighting about everything all the time for no reason), Christian “requested” (commanded) that Ana not go out with her friend Kate. And said that was okay, then changed her mind without telling Christian, went out with Kate, and then came home to Jack Hyde who had gotten the shit kicked out of him by one of Christian’s security guard people. Christian is currently really pissed because Ana disobeyed him, even though by disobeying him she essentially protected herself from kidnapping/rape/whatever other awful things Jack had in store. Ana is currently pissed (rightfully so) because Christian is being a controlling fuck-head and not telling her anything about the whole Jack Hyde situation.
So now this is happening.
“Why did you fly back from New York?” I whisper. Let’s get this over and done with.
“You know why.” His tone carries a warning ring.
“Because I went out with Kate?”
“Because you went back on your word, and you defied me, putting yourself at unnecessary risk.”
Are you fucking kidding me? DEFIED YOU? Are you a fucking slave master, Christian? I think you think you are. SHE IS YOUR WIFE, NOT SOMEONE YOU CAN FUCKING ORDER AROUND. THAT IS NOT HOW MARRIAGE WORKS.
That’s the other thing: HE FLEW BACK FROM NEW YORK JUST BECAUSE SHE WENT OUT FOR A DRINK WITH HER BEST FRIEND WHO SHE HAS LITERALLY ONLY SEEN ONCE SINCE SHE GOT MARRIED.
ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME.
“Christian, I changed my mind,” I explain slowly, patiently as if he’s a child. “I’m a woman. We’re renowned for it. That’s what we do.”
AND OUT TROTS THE SEXIST BULLSHIT.
THIS IS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN.
BECAUSE A VAGINA INFLUENCES YOUR DECISION MAKING SKILLS.
IN THE MORNING WHEN I DECIDE TO HAVE CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST MY VAGINA GOES “FUCK THAT YOU’RE HAVING YOGURT.”
SO GLAD E.L. JAMES IS TEACHING ME NEW THINGS ABOUT BEING A WOMAN.
Oh and then Christian reacts to that like “changing your mind” is a new concept that he’s never heard of before.
But now he’s less mad at her? Or something? I still don’t know why he’s wearing those stupid jeans he always wears in the creepy sex-room.
Or maybe this is why:
“Come to bed,” he whispers, after heaven knows how long.
“Christian, we need to talk.”
“Later,” he urges softly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU GO AND HAVE SEX WITHOUT FULLY RESOLVING YOUR ISSUES I’M GOING TO POOP IN E.L. JAMES’S BED. AND THEN I’LL MAKE THE BED SO SHE DOESN’T KNOW IT’S THERE AND THEN SHE’LL TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND PULL BACK THE COVERS AND STILL WON’T SEE IT AND THEN SHE’LL ROLL IN IT WHILE SHE SLEEPS.
Well they talk about things a little bit and then OH WHAT DO YOU KNOW Christian demands that Ana eat.
“You know how I feel about you not eating. Come,” he says. He stands and holds out his hand. “Let me feed you.” And he shifts again…this time his voice full of sensual promise.
a;sldkfjasoeir WHAT IS WITH THE EATING THING. WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ANA’S GODDAMNED EATING HABITS.
ALSO THE LACK-OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THESE TWO IN THIS CHAPTER IS ALREADY INFURIATING. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH WORSE IT GETS.