August152012

Caitlin Liveblogs 50 Shades Freed: Chapter 14 [Part 2]

So after Ana slapped douchebag blondie and Christian punched him, Ana insists that they go dance together.

He makes me graceful, that’s his skill. He makes me sexy, because that’s what he is. He makes me feel loved, because in spite of his fifty shades, he has a wealth of love to give.

NO. YOU ARE SEXY BECAUSE YOU ARE A SEXY PERSON. AS IS EVIDENCED BY THE FACT THAT EVERY MALE IN A 15 MILE RADIUS IS INSTANTLY IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT SEXY JUST BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND IS SEXY. THAT IS BULLSHIT. MAYBE HE MAKES YOU FEEL SEXY, THAT’S FINE, MAYBE HE REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY, THAT’S WHAT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER SHOULD DO. BUT HE DOESN’T MAKE YOU SEXY.YOUMAKE YOU SEXY.

WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID.

So finally they leave the club and Ana and Christian are in the bathroom, and Christian is taking Ana’s make up off for her because apparently she’s a fucking child and can’t do anything for herself.

"Do you need a private moment?" he asks sardonically.
I snort. “So coy, Mr. Grey. Yes, I need to pee.”
He laughs. “You expect me to leave?”
I giggle. “You want to stay?”
He cocks his head to one side, his expression amused.
"You are one kinky son of a bitch. Out. I don’t want you to watch me pee. That’s a step too far." I stand and wave him out of the bathroom.

YES GOD FORBID YOU PEE WHILE YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THE ROOM. OH MAN THAT IS SO KINKY.

See, it’s only kinky if he’s jacking off while watching you pee, or asking you to pee on his face, or on his dick or whatever. THAT’S KINKY. Peeing while he’s in the room is normal. Married couples do it all the time. The fuck is wrong with you, Ana. You were TOTALLY FINE with him TAKING OUT YOUR TAMPON AND FUCKING YOU WHILE ON YOUR PERIOD, AND THEN STANDING THERE STARING AT YOU WITH YOUR BLOOD ALL OVER HIS COCK, but PEEING WHILE HE’S STILL IN THE ROOM is just SUPER WEIRD AND GROSS.

Page 1 of 1