Caitlin Liveblogs 50 Shades Freed: Chapter 3 [Part 2]
So…suddenly Ana decides that she’s s00per mad at Christian for the hickeys/horrible welts/bruises (probably more for the hickeys).
I can behave like an adolescent, too! Stepping back into the bedroom, I hurl the hairbrush at him, turn, and leave—though not before I see his shocked expression and his lightning reaction as he raises his arm to protect his head so that the brush bounces ineffectively off his forearm and onto the bed.
WOW REALLY? YOU CAN BEHAVE LIKE AN ADOLESCENT TOO? BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY DOUBTED THAT, BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO GROWN UP ALL THE TIME AND DEFINITELY DON’T ACT LIKE A CHILD EVER.
Also apparently Christian is a fucking ninja.
“Christian, you have to stop unilaterally trying to bring me to heel. You made your point on the beach. Very effectively, as I recall.”
He shrugs minutely. “Well, you won’t take your top off again,” he murmurs petulantly.
And this justifies what he’s done to me? I glare at him. “I don’t like you leaving marks on me. Well, not this many, anyway. It’s a hard limit!” I hiss at him.
“I don’t like you taking your clothes off in public. That’s a hard limit for me,” he growls.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

NO. STOP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME CHRISTIAN.
BECAUSE HER TAKING HER TOP OFF AT A TOPLESS BEACH IS SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY YOU LEAVING HUGE FUCKING WELTS AND BRUISES ON HER WRISTS AND ANKLES.
I GET IT. YOU HAVE CONTROL ISSUES.
THIS IS TOO FAR.
DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO JUSTIFY HURTING YOUR GODDAMNED WIFE ALL BECAUSE SHE FELL ASLEEP WITH HER TOP OFF ON A TOPLESS BEACH.
HOW DO PEOPLE FIND THIS ROMANTIC. THIS ISN’T ROMANTIC. THIS IS ROMANTICIZING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.
GOOD JOB E.L. JAMES. HERE, HAVE AN AWARD FOR BEING AWFUL AT EVERYTHING.
